


Embracing Accusation

by 2edge4u



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Laura is adorable, carm is a panther, maman is a bitch, what's a girl to do?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:22:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6560848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2edge4u/pseuds/2edge4u
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla finally stands up to Maman, vowing to never help her again. She's turned into a panther as a punishment. Just when she thinks she'll be stuck like that forever, she finds someone that will change everything.</p><p>Inspired by an anon prompt sent to ukulelekatie. Title inspired by a Shane and Shane song of the same name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Embracing Accusation

**Author's Note:**

> So I realized while writing this that in any other fandom, this would seem bat shit crazy but in the world of hollstein this kind of thing is totally normal which makes me love y'all even more. I hope this lives up to the anon's expectations and if not, oh well. I enjoyed writing it and it helped me keep my mind occupied. I haven't posted anything in ages and I kind of miss it tbh. 
> 
> p.s. I only read this over once since it's six in the morning, I'm tired and my butt kind of hurts from writing almost 10k words in one sitting but I'll edit some more later.

“You insufferable child! I’ve had more than enough of you disobeying me. I have given you everything! I saved you from your own mortality, let you travel the world, and have given you riches beyond your wildest imagination. After everything I’ve sacrificed for you, how could you do this?” Maman spat.

“Sacrificed? SACRIFICED!? Ok, mother you’re right. You have sacrificed plenty of things and innocent people in your miserable existence but none of them have ever been for me or for anyone other than you. Your entire reign as the beast’s slave has been for no one other than yourself. You may talk this big game of serving the light for the ‘greater good’, but really you just want to reap the rewards in the afterlife. You’re so afraid of the torture you are destined to face once you finally go to hell that you’ll do anything to appease anyone or anything that may hold power there. All the terrible things you’ve done, all the evil acts you have committed are exactly why you deserve to suffer in the deepest circles of hell and I for one am going to enjoy watching you be dragged down there kicking and screaming,” Carmilla interrupts.

“You’re one to talk, my darling girl. Look at you sitting up there on your pedestal of a soap box, preaching to me as if you’ve lived an innocent and pure life. You’ve committed your fair share of evil as well. You cannot deny your own destiny while condemning me for mine.”

“You’re absolutely right, mother. I’ll be meeting you in the hell fire to accept my punishment for the things I’ve done. But the difference between you and I is that I recognize my evil for what it is and I’m at least trying to do something different. I can’t change anything about the monster I am, the monster that you turned me into, but I can make the decision to not help you in your quest for human sacrifice anymore. I’m done luring these innocent girls into your trap, I’m done with the days of murdering for fun, and most of all I’m done with you. Sometimes I wish that you hadn’t found me in that ballroom all those centuries ago. I dream that you wouldn’t have changed me into… this,” Carmilla says while blinking away the tears threatening to fall.

“But you can’t change it, Carmilla. You are a monster, a being incapable of goodness and compassion. Your nature is to kill, maim and destroy and you will fulfill that destiny if I have to force you.”

“You’re wrong, mother. Just because you’re malicious and depraved, doesn’t mean that I have to be. I’m done with you and all of this. Don’t bother trying to find me, I’m never coming back here and you might as well forget I even exist. I am of no use to you anymore,” Carmilla cries as she makes her way toward the door of Maman’s apartment.

“I’ll tell you when you’re done,” Maman exclaims as she outstretches her arms. Light starts appearing all around her, coming from every direction as if bolts of lightning were coming from the walls, the ceiling and the ground. “You want to see a monster? I’LL SHOW YOU A MONSTER!!!”

She throws the light directly into Carmilla who has turned around, hearing the energy building behind her. The look on her face is one of terror as she’s hit with the full force of the dark magic surging into her body. She falls on her hands and knees, screaming in agony as her body begins to contort, bones begin to snap and change direction. She’s crying out for anyone to help her as her pupils change from small black circles to long, narrow slits and thick black hair begins to grow everywhere on her body.

She falls completely to the ground, roaring in anger and pain but she can’t get up. The stress and pain her body just went through is enough to render her immobile for the time being.

When she is able to open her eyes moments later, she looks to her surroundings. She sees everything in such vivid detail, much more clearly than she’s ever been able to see before but the rich colors she loves about the world seemed to have disappeared. Everything is illustrated in blue or grey, but although the power in the apartment was knocked out by the force of what just hit her, she clearly sees Maman kneeling beside her. 

“You say I turned you into a monster all those years ago? Well now you truly are one. You’ve betrayed me for the last time, Carmilla. Good luck navigating the Austrian countryside with no concept of how to survive in your condition. If you survive long enough, this spell will wear off when you finally realize your purpose in the world. Until then, you will live as the beast you are fighting so hard not to be. I will be going out now, but I expect you to be gone when I return. Good luck, and I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon,” Maman says before attempting to pet Carmilla but the vicious hiss she receives in return is enough to make her stand up and walk out the door.

* * *

 

A while later, after some rest and hydrating herself in the nearest accessible source of water… the toilet, Carmilla is searching for a way out of the apartment but is at a loss considering she has no way to effectively open closed doors in her new form. She knows she needs to get out of here, unsure of her chances of surviving the night if Maman returns and finds her still in her living room. So she resolves to breaking out the only way she knows how; through the window. She backs up as far as she thinks is necessary and runs at full speed, leaping into the closed window. The glass shatters instantly. Most of it falling to the concrete below and some of it cutting directly into Carmilla’s skin. She hits the ground running, ignoring the blood running down her face and staining the ground with every step she takes.

She doesn’t stop running until her strength gives out completely. She flees campus and runs deep into the countryside to get as far away from that place as her legs will take her. She collapses under a tree, accepting her new fate for the time being. She’s already an adequate hunter and if she can find a reliable water source, she’s positive she can live out her days as this creature; as a panther.

She’s a bit hungry after everything she went through tonight, but decides that she won’t be able to catch even a field mouse in her condition. She needs to rest before making her next move so she closes her eyes, hoping desperately that the nightmares she experienced as a human and a vampire won’t follow her into this new existence as well. She closes her eyes, wishing for a peaceful sleep and succumbs to her exhaustion almost immediately.

* * *

 

She is jolted awake by the feeling of a net tightening around her body. She claws, scratches and bites in every direction, hoping to break free of the trap she’s found herself in but is unsuccessful. She’s roaring with all her might, trying anything to scare her captors into letting her go but suddenly the net is lifted up by a machine and Carmilla is placed into the back of a truck. That’s it. She can’t do anything to save herself. There’s no telling where these people are going to take her. All she can think is that they must be poachers, just waiting for the opportunity to skin her, turning her fur into some kind of rug or something. Once again, Carmilla is resigned to accepting her fate, whatever that may be. Even being skinned alive to be some rich idiot’s prized possession would be better than living out the life Maman has planned for her.

She feels a pinch, looking down to see the dart now sticking in her side and realizes she’s been tranquilized just as her eyes begin to close and she can fight off unconsciousness no longer.

* * *

 

Carmilla wakes what feels like days later but in reality it’s only been a few hours. Upon opening her eyes, she begins to take in her surroundings and realizes the trouble she’s gotten herself into. Yes, she may not be killed anytime soon and wasn’t taken by poachers, but where she is now could end up being much worse. She’s laying on this lush patch of green grass that’s placed next to a pool of the cleanest water she’s ever seen. There’s large boulders everywhere, some stacked on top of one another just right for water to be run down the top, creating an artificial waterfall that drops directly into the pool. There are large tree branches strewn all over, covered in various vines and other plants that could be found in your average jungle, creating an environment suited for an actual jungle cat kind of like Carmilla. While this place may seem like the perfect place for her to live out this terrible spell she’s been put under, what’s standing on the other side of the giant pane of glass to her left says different.

There are kids with ice cream-covered hands banging on the glass, screaming “kitty!” in every direction, miserable mothers pushing their expensive strollers, ignoring their kids while scrolling through their phones and countless people taking pictures of Carmilla through the glass, all while ignoring the “no flash photography” sign to their right. If this is how Carmilla is going to live out the rest of her days, she might as well go back to Maman and let her tear her apart limb from limb. Even that would be less painful than this torture. She’s looking around in a panic, trying to figure out how she got trapped in this fucking zoo when she sees _her_.

This girl steps out into the middle of the crowd, wearing one of those ridiculous headset microphones pop stars used in the late 1990’s as she begins to tell all the waiting children random facts about panthers. Carmilla’s sure that what she’s saying is very interesting but she can’t stop thinking about how this girl is the first person on the planet that is actually succeeding in making head-to-toe khaki look attractive. She’s by far the most beautiful woman Carmilla has ever seen and she’s already coming with a plan of how to get to know her when she suddenly remembers that her mother turned her into a fucking panther. While living as a giant cat may be one of the worst things to happen to her in a while, not being able to talk to this girl is a close second.

Carmilla admires how kind and good she is with all those bratty kids. When they get a little restless, she simply sits with her back against the glass, beckoning the children closer so they all sit in a circle like this is some kind of story time. Carmilla’s intrigued by this girl, so she finally gets up from the spot she’s been laying in to approach the glass, and her. The girl is lost in her story, waving her hands about as she tells the children how fast panthers can run and how they hunt their prey. Carmilla comes right up behind her, sitting down next to the glass and everyone notices but the girl. She’s so passionate about her job, she doesn’t even notice the deadly creature sitting a few inches away from her.

The children are pointing toward the glass and she finally realizes what’s happening. She slowly turns around, finding herself face to face with Carmilla and doesn’t flinch for a second. Most humans being that close to a panther would at least move back, retreating to relative safety but this girl just smiles, almost as if she’s happy to see Carmilla awake. Carmilla has never hated her mother more than she does in this moment. This girl has the most beautiful eyes and radiant smile she’s ever seen. The fact that Carmilla is stuck in this cat form is the ultimate torture. Here’s this incredible woman smiling at her and she can’t do a single thing about it.

Carmilla is lost in a trance, watching as this small woman finishes up her story. Upon standing up, one of the kids yells “Laura, Laura!” and the woman responds. The child asks if the panther will be ok. She assures the child that she is being well taken care of and her wounds will be healed in no time.

 _Laura_. Who every thought a name could sound so beautiful. Carmilla keeps saying it to herself over and over again in her head, almost like she’s reciting the lyrics to her favorite song. She returns to lay in her spot by the water, wishing and hoping that it will be Laura taking care of her. Maybe she can survive this fresh hell if Laura’s going to be in it.

* * *

 

A couple of weeks go by and they’re pretty uneventful. There’s a definite routine to this place which is driving Carmilla crazy. She’s fed in the morning before the gates open and the visitors start pouring in to annoy her by incessantly tapping on the glass. Laura does a panther show around mid-morning and Carmilla is starting to have a bit of fun with it. Sometimes she shows off her strength by jumping about and sometimes she just likes to scare the kids. It depends on what kind of mood she’s in that day and the quality of the meat they’ve provided for her breakfast.

Then it’s time for one of Carmilla’s many naps of the day. She typically takes a dip in the water before finding a nice, shaded place to curl up for her afternoon snooze. It used to take an act of god to wake Carmilla in any form, panther, human or vampire, but Laura doing her afternoon show is enough to get her up on most days.

Once Laura finishes the afternoon show, it’s time for Carmilla’s favorite part of the day. She has made it clear to all the zookeepers that no one but Laura is allowed near her. There was one day when she first arrived that some bean stalk named Danny tried to change one of her bandages, resulting a very large scratch down the redhead’s arm and her quitting her job immediately. Since then, Laura is the only person that attempts to do anything with Carmilla, mainly for the zoo employees’ safety. Laura opens the back door to the enclosure and Carmilla willingly gets up to follow her into the next room.

Laura has never been afraid of Carmilla, she knows well enough that when dealing with big cats, palpable fear will only make things worse. Instead, she’s shown her nothing but compassion and kindness when treating her wounds and generally nursing Carmilla back to health.

“And how is my favorite patient today?” Laura asks, patting the examination table. Carmilla jumps up to lay on the table quickly and begins purring.

“Well, someone’s in a good mood,” Laura breathes as she reaches up to scratch Carmilla between the eyes. Carmilla pushes up into Laura’s hands and sees the smile appear on Laura’s face just before closing her eyes and enjoying the affection being given to her.

I suppose it’s time to check your bandages, shall we?” Laura reaches confidently under Carmilla’s chin and pulls away one of her bandages. Any human in their right mind would never do this while this deadly animal was conscious, but Carmilla would never hurt Laura and she knows that. Upon inspecting the wound, Laura looks relatively pleased and smiles back down at the panther.

“Well, it looks like you’re healing very well, not that I’m surprised. You’re very strong and taking very good care of yourself like I told you to. It’s almost as if you can understand everything I’m saying. You’re very special, I hope you know that,” Laura says as she walks over to retrieve fresh bandages from the cabinet on the wall.

Carmilla is entranced as Laura cleans and covers her wounds. She keeps wondering to herself how anyone could be so kind. She’s only seen the worst side of people in her more than three hundred years on this planet. She’s all but forgotten that there is actually good in this world; until she met Laura that is.

“Well, we’re all done here my little purr machine. I’m not sure why you’re so aggressive toward everyone else but me, but it warms my heart that you feel like you can trust me. Let’s get you back out there. It’s almost time for you to eat and I’ve got something special for you today,” Laura says with that bright smile of hers and something clicks inside Carmilla. She suddenly feels different but she just can’t put her paw on it. She feels different when she’s around Laura, maybe even bordering on happy. She felt trapped here, destined to life of loneliness in captivity while being gawked at by countless idiots. But with Laura here, maybe things won’t seem so bad.

* * *

 

After her evening meal of raw meat and the cupcake Laura snuck her, she wandered behind the rocks to nap in private and try to dream of her new favorite. She may not ever be able to voice how she’s beginning to feel about this adorable zookeeper, but at least she can be with her in her dreams.

She wakes up with a stretch and a yawn, only realizing that things are very different. Usually her yawns turn into an outright roar but she could only produce a tiny squeak and she suddenly feels very cold. She opens her eyes, looking down at her paws only to find hands. Human hands. Holy shit. Carmilla’s turned back into her human (actually her vampire) form and she’s naked. Well, that explains why she’s so cold but how did this happen? Maman said she’ll only return to her original form when she’s found her purpose. This doesn’t make any sense, but there’s no time for that. How the hell is she going to get out of here? The zoo is still open and there are mobs of children on the other side of the rocks and Laura should be coming to do her evening show any time now. But instead of a giant panther in the enclosure, there’s a naked woman in here. Yes, Carmilla is very happy to be back to her old self, but she also doesn’t want to be arrested and charged with endless sex offences so she needs to figure something out and very soon. Just as she sits up to some up with a plan, her body begins contorting and she has to fight a very human sounding scream as she turns back into her panther form.

 _Shit_.

Maybe this was just a fluke, but at least it’s progress and she can figure out how she achieved this transformation and plan ahead next time. However, there’s not time for that right now as she hears Laura’s voice playing over the loud speaker and it’s time to put on a show to impress her favorite handler. Carmilla climbs up the back of the rocks to stand on top of the waterfall before running down one of the tree branches to jump over by the glass and rub against it. Laura simply turns to smile at Carmilla before turning back to the crowd that’s hanging on her every word.

* * *

 

A few more weeks go by of the same thing every day. Two good meals a day, three shows and her daily check-ups with Laura. She’s been able to change back into her human form a few more times since that first day but she always changes back within minutes of waking up. She always makes sure to nap in seclusion now, just in case. The last thing she wants is for twenty children to be traumatized by seeing a naked stranger and their parents having to explain what happened. She may be a monster, but she just can’t bring herself to get caught.

After her last transformation, Carmilla had a revelation. She realized that she only changes into her human form when she’s dreaming of one thing; Laura. After she woke up and changed back into her panther form, she tried to recall her dream and it finally came back to her. She was a vampire again and she met Laura under different circumstances. They met in college and while it didn’t start out well at first and they fought endlessly over the most trivial things, she eventually won Laura over. Carmilla woke up just as she and Laura danced for the first time. It was a waltz and it’s like they fit together perfectly. Holding her so close, doing all of that whirling felt like it could be the happiest moment of her life, even within a dream. Carmilla decided right then that if she’s ever able to turn back into her original form for more than a few moments that the first thing she wants to do is dance with her Laura.

So Carmilla spent the next few weeks practicing turning back into her vampire form. She would purposely think of only Laura when falling asleep, praying to whatever god may be listening that it would be permanent this time. But each time, she turned back into a panther within a few minutes. However, each time it would happen later and later. She got to the point where she wouldn’t change back for more than ten minutes so she was getting better at this. The transformation while conscious was extremely painful and took all of her strength to not cry out, but it was all worth it. She’s already been through the Spanish Inquisition, being burned at the stake in the early 1700’s when she was thought to be a witch and being buried alive in a coffin full of blood for decades. Even with all the pain and torture she’s been through, nothing compares to the thought of never getting to know Laura outside of this enclosure.

A couple of weeks later, Laura didn’t come in to the zoo for a few days. When this idiot of a handler, some tall jock-looking brute told her that Laura was sick with the flu and would be back soon, Carmilla decided to not maul him to death after all. She knew if she did that, Laura would be very disappointed so she decided to let this Kirsch fellow feed her without opposition. But on the way out of the exam room, she roared at him, scaring him to the point where he almost peed himself so she could grab some medical scrubs with her teeth and return to her enclosure. This way, if she is able to ever transform permanently, she can dress herself and avoid prosecution. She hid the scrubs underneath a rock so no one would find them and they would be there when she needed them.

Those few days that went by without Laura were incredibly boring and Carmilla was starting to become very irritable. She didn’t bother to get up from her napping spot when these other idiots tried to fill in for Laura’s panther shows which disappointed the crowd. Carmilla has never been crazy about kids anyway so that doesn’t bother her in the slightest bit.

It was early in the morning a few days later when Carmilla woke to gentle hands stroking down her back. She was ready to rip the throat out of whomever disturbed her sleep when she opened her eyes to find Laura kneeling next to her. If panthers could cry, she probably would have but she just made something like a honking sound before rubbing her head against Laura’s legs and purring loudly.

“My goodness, I’m happy to see you too. I heard from my coworkers that you missed me so I wanted to see you first thing. I’m feeling much better and I’m happy to be back to hang out with my favorite girl,” Laura says as she continues to pet Carmilla gently. “Are you hungry?” she asks.

Carmilla honks again and Laura can’t help but laugh. My god, Laura’s laugh just might be the most beautiful thing she’s ever heard and she was in the audience in Karlsruhe the night Brahms’ 1st symphony was premiered in 1876. She will do anything to hear that laugh again.

“Good, because I brought you another cupcake, but don’t tell anyone,” she whispers and smiles before leaning down to kiss Carmilla on the top of her head.

* * *

 

It was a week later when the two finally get back into their routine. Laura fed Carmilla twice a day and she was now getting more cupcakes which was probably totally against the rules, but Carmilla wouldn’t complain even if she were able to talk. They still did three shows a day and Carmilla was willingly participating in all of them, which was a shock to even her. Carmilla was extremely lazy and never really does anything willingly. They still had their daily check-ups which was most definitely Carmilla’s favorite part of the day and she was starting to think that Laura felt the same way.

Carmilla tried every day to turn back into her vampire form. She wouldn’t succeed every day, but she was definitely getting better at it. One day she didn’t turn back for almost twenty minutes which was great, but it also broke what is left of her heart. She thought, even for a fleeting moment that it might be permanent and when she turned back, she was beyond disappointed. She laid under a tree for the rest of the day and nothing could bring her out of sadness.

It was a rainy afternoon when the unthinkable happened. She laid down for her afternoon nap underneath a rock shelf to shield her from the rain, thinking of Laura and hoping for the best. When she woke, she was happy to see that she was successful and began to count the minutes as accurately as she could.

After what felt like the fifteen-minute mark, Carmilla hears the door to the enclosure and oh shit, oh shit, oh god, oh no. This can’t be happening. The medical scrubs are too far away to get them before-

And there she is. Laura rounds the corner of the rocks and finds a very naked Carmilla curled up in the fetal position looking very much like a human and she screams. She screams so loudly that Carmilla knows she only has a few moments to explain.

“Who the hell are you and what are you doing in here? Why are you naked!?” Laura yells, backing away from Carmilla like she’s seen some kind of drugged out maniac in a panther enclosure.

“Please, Laura. It’s me. Don’t be afraid. I’m not going to hurt you, Carmilla tries to explain but doesn’t move because she doesn’t want Laura to run.

“You didn’t answer my questions. Who the hell are you?”

“Um, well I know it’s hard to believe but I’m the panther you’ve been taking care of for the last few months, which is why I’m naked because it’s not like I was wearing human clothes before I turned back into this.”

“Bullshit. That’s impossible. I’m calling the police,” she says and begins to walk away.

“No, please. Let me explain.” Laura stops, not yet turning back around to look at Carmilla. “My name is Carmilla. I know I appear to be this crazy naked woman in the middle of a zoo and while that may be true, there’s much more to the story. I was turned into a panther as punishment by my mother who I don’t want to help anymore. She’s evil and I just couldn’t bring myself to be a part of that anymore. So, after she turned me, I took off running and that’s when your people kidnapped me and I woke up in this cage. I resigned to living as a panther forever but things changed. You’re very important to me, Laura. The kindness you’ve shown me these last few months has been the only thing that’s gotten me through all this. From the way you were so gentle while changing my bandages, to those cupcakes you sneak me during my meals. Everything you’ve done for me has been enough for me to keep fighting.”

Laura suddenly turns around, her eyes are wide and her mouth is open. She can’t believe what she’s hearing but she doesn’t say a word, prompting Carmilla to keep going.

“A couple weeks ago, I woke up in my human form for the first time and I thought everything would be back to normal but then I changed back. Even now, I know that in a few short minutes that I’ll change back into a panther so please don’t run away from me. I need you here,” Carmilla relents but Laura just stands there, frozen.

Laura opens and closes her mouth a few times, trying to say something but she just can’t find the words. How do you react to hearing something like that? She’s never really been one to write off the supernatural completely, but to see it first hand is shocking to say the least. Just as she begins to step toward Carmilla, it happens. Carmilla falls to the ground, crying out as her body shakes and her bones snap back into her panther form. Laura wants to rush to her side, but she’s afraid. She just witnessed a woman turning into a panther for god’s sake and she has no idea what to do.

After Carmilla regains her feline senses, she gets up to approach Laura. She rubs up against her legs and begins to purr. Part of Laura wants to run far away from what she’s just seen, but her legs just won’t allow her. She stays there, actually kneeling down to look Carmilla in the eye. She goes to say something again, but simply scratches Carmilla in between the eyes and returns to the safety of the exam room.

Carmilla knows that didn’t go as well as she’d hoped for, but it definitely could have gone a lot worse. Laura didn’t run away. She may not have any idea of what the small woman may be thinking but at least she didn’t run away.

* * *

 

Laura didn’t come into work the next day and Carmilla was sure she blew it. She probably scared the shit out of her and she’s afraid Laura will never come back. She laid behind those rocks the entire day, refusing to eat and roaring loudly at anyone who dared to open the door and bother her. She realized in that moment that she’d probably be stuck there forever and now she doesn’t even have Laura to make it tolerable.

The next day, Carmilla woke up to find a single cupcake sitting on a plate in front of her. The relief she felt was incredible and maybe Laura hadn’t run away after all. She didn’t see Laura in person for a few days but could tell that she’s been around. After what happened, she can’t blame Laura for needing some time so she leaves it be until she’s ready.

A few days later, she woke up to find Laura sitting on the ground next to her. Carmilla lifted up her head and Laura reached out to scratch it like usual.

“So, Carmilla is it?” Laura said.

Carmilla pressed the weight of her head up into Laura’s hand to try and communicate any way she can.

“I’ll admit that what you said to me was absolutely ridiculous and I didn’t want to believe it, but I haven’t told anyone about the cupcakes and it’s not like panthers can talk,” she says and then laughs. “Then I saw you actually turn back into a panther and I’ve honestly never been so scared. I face giant cats every single day, but seeing that was by far the most terrifying experience of my life. That’s why I haven’t been around the last few days and I’m sorry about that. I guess I’m just here to tell you that I believe you. I know this is crazy, but I can’t deny what I saw. I’m hoping that you can turn back into your human form soon so we can talk about this more. To say you have me interested would be an understatement. Talk to you later, Carmilla.”

Laura simply gets up and walks back into the exam room and for the first time since she was turned into this beast, Carmilla feels a bit of hope. She’s not alone anymore. Just having someone know what’s happened to her means everything in the world, and the fact that the one person she can share this secret is Laura makes it so much better.

Carmilla drifts back to sleep, hoping that she wakes she can go have that conversation their both hoping for.

* * *

 

A few hours later, Carmilla opens her eyes to find herself naked and very much a vampire again. She jumps up to quickly put on the scrubs so she can go find Laura before she turns back. She runs over to the exam room door, looking to be sure the zoo patrons didn’t see her. She wants to be cautious, open the door slowly, but there’s no time for that. She can’t let anyone besides Laura see her like this so she flings the door and quickly shuts it behind her after stepping inside. Thankfully the room is empty so she opens the door back up slightly just in case she turns back and has to get back into the enclosure without anyone thinking that a panther just learned how to open doors.

She realized that she doesn’t really have a plan on how she’s going to find Laura, so she sits on the exam table to figure something out. Just as she begins to think that this was stupid and she just needs to go back in the enclosure, the door opens to reveal a very stunned Laura.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hey,” Carmilla responds.

“So, I see you’re back to yourself, at least for the time being,” Laura says, closing the door behind her so no one would see her talking to this mysterious woman.

“I suppose so.”

“How long do we have?” Laura asks.

“I’m not sure. It varies each time,” Carmilla says and looks down at her bare feet.

“Well, let’s just make the most of it. I haven’t formally introduced myself. I’m Laura Hollis,” she says, walking toward Carmilla with her hand outstretched to shake her hand.

Carmilla takes her hand gently, looking her in the eye before saying, “Carmilla Karnstein.”

“Hmm, I like that name. Anyway, how long have you been stuck like this again?” Laura asks.

“I’m not sure about that either. I’ve kind of lost track of time since I’ve been in here. I’m thinking it’s around six months.”

“That’s terrible. I’m so sorry,” Laura says and pulls her hand away.

“Well cupcake, to tell you the truth it hasn’t been all that bad,” Carmilla looks up through her bangs and grins.

“Oh, and you’re a smooth talker. Why am I not surprised? So, I’m sure you miss being a human, huh?”

“I guess so, but I haven’t been one for a very long time so I kind of forgot what it feels like.”

“What do you mean? I know things here aren’t the best, but six months isn’t really all that long.”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Carmilla states.

“Try me.”

“Well, you believe me now that my mother turned me into a panther, right?” Laura nods. “Well she turned me into something a lot worse a very long time ago.”

“Come on, just tell me.”

“Laura, I hate to break it to you but I’m a vampire and have been one since the late 1600’s.”

“That’s-that’s impossible. Vampires aren’t real,” Laura reasons.

“So vampires aren’t real put humans can be turned into panthers?”

“Ok, maybe you have a point. Are you serious? You’re a freaking vampire and a panther?”

“Yep, that’s me apparently,” Carmilla admits.

“Holy Hufflepuff!”

“Holy what now?” Carmilla laughs.

“I just can’t believe this is happening. I always thought there was more to the world but I never thought I would see it firsthand. So are you like, immortal or something?” Laura asks.

“Immortal to a point, yeah. I can be killed in very specific ways but if I keep myself out of those situations I guess you could consider me immortal.”

“Oh my god, this is crazy. Wait, you said your mother turned you?”

“Yeah, well it turns out she never wanted to save me from anything. She’s not actually my mother. My real parents died centuries ago. I was murdered back in 1698 while attending a ball and Maman saved me from the grips of death. She took me in and everything was great at first. We traveled the world, danced in the halls of Versailles and just lived the best version of life a young Countess could ever imagine. But then things changed. She just wanted me around so she could use me. See, she is kind of a slave to a giant fish god that will bring on the apocalypse if it’s not fed five sacrifices every twenty years and I guess I was just pretty enough to lure all these girls to their awaiting death. She wanted me to seduce them so they would trust me and that’s when the rest of the cabal would take over. Those girls meant something to somebody and I’m a part of why they’re dead. I didn’t really care at first but as time went on, I wanted nothing to do with it and nothing to do with her. I finally stood up to her and told her I was leaving for good, and that’s when she turned me into a panther as a sort of punishment for my betrayal. She’s afraid that she won’t be able to get her five sacrifices without me and I just don’t care anymore.”

“That’s… a lot to take in, but I’m so sorry all this has happened to you. You certainly deserve better,” Laura says.

“That’s the thing, I really don’t. I deserve all this because of the things I’ve done. I’m a monster, Laura.”

“No, you’re not. Not anymore. Yes, you may have done terrible things over the years, but you wouldn’t have done them if it weren’t for her. You’ve changed, and you’ve been changing for a long time. The fact that you were able to stand up to her just shows me how brave and good you really are.”

“I may deserve all the terrible things that have happened to me, but I definitely don’t deserve you,” Carmilla breathes.

Just as Laura begins to come even closer, Carmilla drops to the floor in pain and changes back into her panther form. Laura can do nothing but watch but she reaches out to hold her when it’s all done. It’s in this brief moment in Laura’s arms that Carmilla vows to do whatever it takes to turn back into a vampire permanently. Carmilla just told her the depths of her depravity and not only did Laura run like everyone in her life before, she told her that she was brave and good. This girl is without a doubt someone worth fighting for.

* * *

 

Weeks go by and their conversations get longer and longer. Carmilla is getting better at fighting off her transformations back into a panther and they play their own version of two-hundred questions. They get to know everything about each other. Carmilla tell Laura of her childhood and vice versa. Apparently Laura is an only child of a very over-protective father who was not very happy about her becoming a big cat handler. Her mother died when she was very young and while she doesn’t have very many memories of her, it’s obvious how much she loves and misses her mother.

Laura took on this career as a challenge for herself and ended up loving it. Her small stature and inherent naivety cause her to be coddled and treated as someone who needs to be protected at all costs, something that she hates with every fiber of her being. So, she decided to work with deadly animals every day to prove that she can take care of herself but quickly found out she has a way with them that is unrivaled by any of her colleagues. It’s like she was meant for this job and Carmilla finds this very endearing.

Carmilla falls asleep thinking of Laura as usual, trying to turn back into a vampire so she can talk with her favorite girl. She’s beyond excited when she wakes, seeing that she’s transformed. She jumps up, throwing some fresh clothes that Laura left for her on and ran into the exam room only to find it empty. She knows it won’t take long because Laura checks in every half hour or so when Carmilla naps, hoping to find her waiting there to talk.

That’s when it happens. The door opens and Laura comes running in, smiling like she hasn’t seen her in days.

“Carm! I’m so happy to see you today,” Laura exclaims as she wraps her arms around Carmilla’s neck and hugs her like she’ll turn back any moment. It takes a moment to respond because they’ve never done more than shake hands but eventually Carmilla’s arms make their way around Laura’s waist and she hugs her back.

Laura pulls back, looking only slightly embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, was that ok? I should have asked you if I could hug you but I’m so excited to see you and I kind of missed you yesterday and I just”

“Cupcake. You’re rambling,” Carmilla says with a grin, her hands resting comfortably on Laura’s hips.

“I’m sorry, I do that when I’m nervous,” Laura says and looks down at her feet.

“For the record, you can hug me whenever you want. I’m not going to stop you.”

“Great!” Laura says and goes back in for another hug, eagerly accepted by Carmilla.

Suddenly Carmilla feels different. It’s almost like this tingling in her entire body, kind of like her insides are moving around. She decides that it’s just the butterflies she gets in her stomach every time she sees Laura. She realized a while ago that her feelings for Laura have grown into something a lot more romantic than she’s ready to admit so these weird feelings are normal these days.

“I hope we have a long time today,” Laura whispers into Carmilla’s ear, sending s shudder down her spine. “I have so much to tell you.”

“I hope so too, cutie.”

Laura tries to hide the blush rushing to her cheeks before pulling Carmilla by the hand over to the chairs in the corner of the room. They get lost in conversation about anything and everything. Laura tells Carmilla about the promotion she’ll be getting after she graduates in a few weeks. She’ll soon be known as Dr. Hollis and Carmilla could not be more proud of her.

Carmilla’s head is swimming, lost in every word Laura speaks and the way she keeps touching her hand when an announcement comes over the loud speaker that the zoo will closing in ten minutes and everyone needs to make their way to the gate.

“Has it really been three hours already?” Laura asks.

“I guess it has, cupcake. I can’t believe I haven’t changed back yet,” Carmilla admits.

“Well, I have an idea.”

“What’s that?”

“I need to go check on a few animals and do a little paperwork but I’ll be back in half an hour. I’ll come back and if you’re still in your human… uh, vampire form then maybe I can get you out of here for a while.”

“What? I don’t know. What if I turn back outside of the gates? The last the I want is to cause a major panic in the city.”

Laura laughs and grabs Carmilla’s hand. “I don’t know why, but I have a good feeling. If that happens, I’ll just sneak you back in here. I’m about to be the boss of this place anyway.”

“Very true, _Dr. Hollis_. But where am I going to go? I don’t exactly have a place to stay at the moment.”

“You’re coming home with me, of course.”

“Are you sure? I could turn back into a wild animal at any moment. Is that something you want in your home?”

“You won’t and I’m sure. Stay here. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” she squeaks out before lunging over to kiss Carmilla on the cheek and running out of the room.

Carmilla sits there stunned for a moment before reaching up and touching the place where Laura just kissed her. Laura kissed her. It may have only been on the cheek but it means so much more than that. Carmilla is beginning to think that Laura may be feeling something for her too. Just as she’s starting to daydream about the life they could have together, she is quickly reminded that she could turn back into a panther at any moment. She doesn’t want to get her hopes up too much to only be let down again, but that’s kind of hard when a beautiful girl just kissed her on the cheek.

* * *

 

Twenty minutes later, Laura comes barging in looking nervous but still smiling.

“Here, put these flip flops on.”

“Flip flops? Not exactly my style, creampuff.”

“Well, neither is an entire coat of black fur or medical scrubs but these will have to do until we get to my house. Come on, we have to go before the night crew gets here. We only have a few minutes,” Laura says.

“Ok, ok. Let’s go. I’m ready to get the hell out of here.”

Laura sticks her head out the door, looking both ways before reaching back for Carmilla’s hand and dragging her into the hallway. They run hand in hand, avoiding anyone that could see them until they finally break out the final door leading to the parking lot. They don’t stop until that get into the relative safety of Laura’s car and finally take a deep breath.

“We made it,” Laura says between labored breaths.

“That we did, cupcake.”

“Come on, let’s go home.”

Carmilla can’t help but think of how nice that sounded. She’s going home. To Laura’s home with her and she can’t believe this is real. It’s been about four hours since she turned back into a vampire and she doesn’t want to jinx it, but maybe she’ll stay like this.

They finally pull up to a modest home, painted a light shade of yellow with white shutters and Carmilla can’t help but think how _Laura_ this house is. She’s excited to get inside and spend the evening with Laura. She’s never been a sociable person, but everything’s different with Laura. Sure, there’s a chance that she could turn back and have to return to the zoo, but she’s not going to think about that. Not right now. Not tonight.

“We should probably go inside,” Laura says.

“Probably,” Carmilla responds and looks over to find Laura looking very nervous.

“You ok?” Carmilla asks.

“Me? Yeah, totally fine.”

“Yeah, because you sound totally fine. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours? Afraid I’ll turn back into a monster and bite one of your neighbors?”

“No, not at all. I just can’t believe you’re here. I’ve thought about it so many… never mind. Come on, let’s just go inside,” Laura says and opens the door, leaving Carmilla to take in what Laura just said. She starts to think in that moment that the feelings may be mutual. She can’t hide the smile plastered onto her face as she gets out of the car and walks up to Laura’s door.

The first thing Carmilla does is take a shower. It’s been so long since she was bathed with anything other than a water hose that she couldn’t help herself. When she steps out of the shower, she sees a fresh set of clothes that Laura left on the counter for her. She quickly dries her hair and dresses herself before going to see what Laura is up to. She finds her in the kitchen, humming quietly to herself while she’s cooking something that smells absolutely divine.

“Hey,” Carmilla says.

Laura spins around, kind of startled by Carmilla’s presence but quickly softens when she sees who’s standing there.

“Hey. Feeling any better?”

“So much better. I didn’t realize how dirty one could get living outside for eight months as an animal.”

They share a laugh before Laura directs Carmilla to her small dining table in the corner of the kitchen.

“I wasn’t sure if vampires could eat human food, but I’m starving and I kind of wanted to offer you something. I’m sure you got tired of eating the diet you were provided there and I just wanted to do something nice for you,” Laura rambles.

“It’s fine, thank you. I’ll need some _nourishment_ eventually but I can still eat human food. Whatever you’re cooking smells delicious and I’d love to have dinner with you.”

The smile on Laura’s face is infectious and soon Carmilla is wearing the same one. Laura pours them both some wine and returns to finish cooking. Carmilla wants to offer her help, but she’ll probably burn the house down so she stays where she is and just watched Laura move about the kitchen. She could never get tired of moments like this.

They share a delicious meal of parmesan crusted chicken before deciding to just go to bed. They thought about watching a movie but they both had a pretty exciting day and were kind of tired. Laura showed Carmilla to her guest room, furnished with a full size bed, one dresser and a small tv.

“I know it’s not much, but the sheets are clean and you should sleep well in here,” Laura says, watching Carmilla bounce up and down on the mattress.

“You have to remember I haven’t slept on an actual bed in months so this will probably be the best night’s rest I’ve gotten in ages. It’s perfect, thank you.”

“Well, if you need anything I’ll be just down the hall and please help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I’m glad you’re here, Carm.”

“Me too, cupcake. Me too.”

After watching Laura leave, Carmilla gets up to turn the lights out and she climbs into bed. She moans softly at how comfortable this crappy mattress is. She wants to go to sleep so badly but she’s kind of afraid to. She’s terrified that she’ll wake up tomorrow as a panther and all of this will be for nothing. She’s pretty sure at this point that Laura is developing feelings for her and she just couldn’t take it if she turns back.

About an hour later, Carmilla is fighting slumber somewhat unsuccessfully, when she hears a soft knock at the door.

“Carm?” Laura whispers through the door.

“Come in.”

Laura opens the door, looking as adorable as ever in her pajamas and Carmilla’s glad that the room is dark so Laura can’t see the stupid smile on her face.

“What’s wrong? Is everything ok?” Carmilla asks.

“I can’t sleep,” Laura admits, staying frozen in the doorway.

Carmilla’s not sure if this is the right thing to do, but in her exhausted state she doesn’t really care. She scoots back on the bed, lifting the covers as a gesture for Laura to join her and thankfully she does. Laura crawls into the bed beside her and Carmilla lays her arm over Laura’s waist like it’s something they’ve done a million times before. Holding Laura in her arms has got to be the best thing Carmilla’s ever experienced and she never wants to let go.

They both fall asleep that night, content with their present situation. Even if everything changes back tomorrow, at least they have tonight.

* * *

 

Carmilla wakes the next morning with Laura pressed into her side and her head laying on her chest. She’s relieved to see she hasn’t turned back into a panther but she’s even more relieved to see that Laura didn’t leave. She holding onto Carmilla like she’s afraid to lose her and that’s got to be the best feeling in the world. She doesn’t know what Laura is feeling exactly, but for the first time in more than three-hundred years, Carmilla feels loved.

Laura took off work for a few days and they spend their time watching movies, cuddling on the couch and just enjoying each other’s company. Carmilla is falling for Laura more and more each day and she thinks Laura is feeling the same.

Carmilla asked how she handled a panther going missing at the zoo but she filed transfer paperwork and assured everyone that she’s been taken to a much bigger facility where she’ll be a lot happier. When Carmilla tells Laura in bed that night that she’s definitely happier since being “transferred,” she definitely notices the feeling of Laura smiling against her neck and holds her tighter.

One morning when they wake up, Laura asks the question that’s been on Carmilla’s mind for the last few days. “So, why do you think you haven’t turned back into a panther?”

“I’ve actually been thinking about that a lot actually. I’ve been going over everything Maman said to me that night and I think I’ve figured it out.”

“Well, what is it? You can’t keep a girl waiting,” Laura says as she props herself up on her elbow to look down into Carmilla’s eyes.

“She told me that night that I will only turn back into my original form once I’ve found my purpose, but I’m pretty sure that backfired on her.”

Laura furrows her cute little eyebrows in confusion before saying, “your purpose? What do you mean?”

“You see, I’m sure she thought that I would realize that my purpose on this earth was to help her but I realize now that she was wrong.”

“What’s your purpose then?

“Do you really not know, cupcake?” Carmilla says, leaning up slightly.

“No, tell me.”

“You. My purpose is to be here with you. I only changed back after meeting you. Didn’t you notice that I changed back permanently after you hugged me for the first time?”

“Oh my god, you’re right. Are you saying that I helped you change back?”

“I’m saying that you brought me back from that hell I was trapped in and I plan on spending a very long time trying to show my gratitude. I couldn’t think of a better purpose to be put on this earth for than for you.”

Laura leans down to kiss Carmilla for the first time. She almost misses and it’s sloppy with teeth clashing and their wide smiles getting in the way but it’s the best kiss that either of them have ever experienced. Neither of them are sure about what the future will bring, but they’re sure about one thing. As long as they have each other in it, everything will be ok.

Carmilla falls asleep that night, holding Laura tightly in her arms actually feeling thankful for everything that’s happened over the last eight months. Sure, it was hell living as an actual wild beast but she can’t be too angry about it now. Everything that’s happened has brought her to this moment, to Laura. It suddenly all feels worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, there it is. Hollstein is still cute and I still miss them. I really hope y'all enjoyed this weird ass story and I'd love to hear from you. All the best, Monica.


End file.
